what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
