He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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