I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize