So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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