Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
