Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
