just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize