Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
