Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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