Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
