wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're too hungover to prance.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
