i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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