I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
