I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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