Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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