please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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