Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
