GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
two words: eviction party
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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