Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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