These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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