I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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