We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
