My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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