I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
