This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
