Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
