For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
