he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
