There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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