giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want a musical about memes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
