Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
