If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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