with your own penis?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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