K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need to align my fucking chakras
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
