please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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