Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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