that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
