I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
