He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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