he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
