capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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