hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
