Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
