They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
