I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
