I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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