new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
