I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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