I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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