Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
