I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
