He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
