i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
