If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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