Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And then he peed in my hair
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