You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
