I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
