Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
