I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
