Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
