If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
