I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
