Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
