Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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